Maddy Figueroa: Old News

There is an astronomical difference between the beginning of a romantic relationship and the end of one. I never fathomed that one person could change so much about my life. I never knew that abruptly having that person leave my life would cause more pain than struggling with that person, either. Even after two months, I'm still feeling the after-effects, though maybe to a lesser extent. Things are getting better, for the most part. I've found that my healing process is comparable to falling down on roller skates and getting huge bruises and cuts. It's sort of as though you fell once, really hard, (the break-up) and the wound was numb for awhile. Then, you fell again, and the wound started bleeding profusely, for a couple of days. Then you decided to stay off of skates for a period of time, in order to allow yourself to heal. But THEN you got back on the roller skates and ran into a tree, (I actually did that, but I was trying to make that tree stand for a bump in the healing process, like an old picture or an old gift) and the wound suddenly bursts open, spurting blood all over the place. Right now, mine is scabbing over, and hopefully I'll be able to let it heal completely. Of course, there are times when it twinges quite a bit, but I know that if I keep breathing and dealing, it will stop hurting. Or maybe it won't ever completely stop hurting, but I know for a fact that the pain will diminish little by little. Time will tell, of course, and I've found great solace in certain music and literature. (And there are a few individuals I owe a lot to, as well.) I'm going to keep going, and I'm going to utilize what tools I have available to me to make this summer count, no matter how much I may dislike the lack of school. I don't agree that time heals all wounds, but I do believe that the combination of music (thank you Kristina) and real, true friends have a lot more power than a ticking clock ever will.

(Note: The following is a string of not really inter-connected thought. Proceed at your own risk.)


Life.
Life seems to be made up of problems lately, therefore making life itself one giant predicament.


I am insignificant in comparison to the rest of the world, to the rest of the universe. What is my purpose here? Do I have a purpose? Does anyone, really? What is life? What do we do? What does anything that is alive do? We live. We accomplish, we love, we work, we strive. But for what? Overall, what is the purpose of life at all? One may answer, "To attain happiness." Why, though? "Because we want to be happy.." Why do we want to be happy? Why do we even want to be alive? What is this overall purpose? Many, many people have exhausted themselves over this. What is the purpose of human existence? Of any existence, really? To thrive... To live.. To build, to work, to love. To create.
Creation.
Art.
Beauty.
I see a work of art. Be it a painting, a photograph, or even a play or literature.
It appeals to my eye, I call it beautiful. Why do I do so? I have now reached a point where I acknowledge the beauty in something, and move on. These things used to impact me. Works of art used to heavily impact me. But now, everything seems almost bland. Why is this? Could it be because of constant theorization? (And is it ironic that I'm theorizing about the potential negative effects of theorization?)
Are rushes of adrenaline, those wonderful feelings where the world spins by so fast and every little thing seems totally enlightened true living?
I'm not sure if I agree.
There have been times in my life where everything seems to fit, every little piece falls into place, and the world seems so beautiful.
Those, however, are just days.
Days are brief.
I want my entire life to feel that way. I want to stop dwelling on why I'm alive, and to just start living.
Here's where this whole situation gets really complicated.
I am young.
I am still in school.
I have no way to start my life until I finish High School, not to mention College.
College.
I know where I want to go.
I've been working towards it ever since my discovery of Liberal Arts schools.
I can study the three things I want.
Why do I want them, though? What is this driving force, the voice in the back of my head that says "Keep going, you want to get into college. Keep going, you can do better than that." All for this one aspiration.
To get into a (specific) Liberal Arts school.
Now, I am one example of many, many people who are going through the same thing as I.
Perhaps their thoughts are more intelligent and organized than mine.
But we share similar thoughts all the same.
I take comfort in knowing that I am not the only one.
It would be ridiculous, self-centered and uneducated of me to think otherwise.
I think that part of what keeps me going every day is the knowledge that, no matter what, I am not alone.
I know that there are (many) other people in the world dwelling on this subject.( The purpose of life, that is.)
Many of the documented conclusions have been so seemingly simple, they're complex.

My conclusion seemed to be the same as theirs.
Happiness.
Now, that's very multi-faceted and multi-layered.
A very wise friend of mine once said "The means by which you attain happiness are just as important as the happiness itself."
I agree with him.
In order to attain happiness, one must go through processes.
In my opinion, happiness can be achieved with the following:

Knowledge. We never, ever stop learning. In my opinion, everything we do is a learning process. We can reach a point of happiness and satisfaction with life if we are not adverse to learning new things, always.

Dreams. Or, aspirations, more accurately. We must have things to shoot for. If we can dream, perhaps we can achieve. If we achieve, then we can be happy.

Success. If we dream, then, if we succeed in our endeavors, in the things we've dreamed, how could we not be happy?



Love. Without love, then I truly feel that there is nothing to live for. I can find love in many places. I find love in beauty, I recall.
Ah! This must be why I find things beautiful, then. I can associate love with these things, these pieces of art that I find beautiful, and then I can realize why I am alive.

In applying these principles, I can truly determine why I live. Just because I cannot change the world completely, maybe, with my dreams, success, love and knowledge, I can change a few lives, including my own. Maybe it's selfish of me to even think, but after all, isn't the purpose of living to attain personal happiness?

Now, I thought I was finished. I thought I had completed my thought process, and I was fairly satisfied with my conclusion.
However, (starting to think about revisions) I said "Oh, wait, perhaps this isn't done!"
And my dear,wise, intelligent and insightful love remarked "Will it ever be?"

The answer is no. These are thoughts I will carry with me for my entire life. For the days when I cannot find a distinct purpose in life, these points, concepts and ideas will remind me of how to do so.
I hope that somewhere, in my musings, they have done the same for you.

Happy New Year!

maddyfigueroa.com will be undergoing some changes in the not-so distant future. So, any bugs will be worked out shortly. We thank you for your patience.

Sincerely,

The wesbsite people that constantly leave messages like this when websites change. Generally the same standard message. Strange, aren't we?

Hey guys-

Sorry I haven't been around lately. Things have been absolutely crazy!!
I'm hoping that those of you who like theater will come see Oliver! It's going to be a fantastic show. You can even buy tickets online!! Here's the link:http://www.ovationmtb.com/listings17516.asp
Happy Holidays!!!!

-Maddy

I need to update this.... Or, well, I suppose I am... Ooooooo!! Guess what?! I have an audition! YAY! Uber-happy-fun-time! It's for Oliver! And i have another one for Romeo and Juliet. And another, later, for Fiddler on the Roof! Ah yes, and two personal shout outs. HI ALI! HI NICK!

There.